Entry 10

Despite his wishes, I've told my stapler to stay home. I cannot have this mission compromised. If I do not execute this plan perfectly, my entire life could be in jeopardy. I could be watched and followed forever by agents of the law. To that end, tonight, I will infiltrate CIA headquarters and remove any files of myself that might be a notion of put me on watch. If this is my last entry, then know I'm probably in jail. I'll write as soon as I get back.

Entry 9

While visiting the corner café, something amazing happened! While drinking my coffee, I glanced across the counter and saw my stapler, cappuccino in hand. It was glorious! We both ran in to each others' arms and walked home together. I got to be the big spoon that night.

Entry 8

The government is after me; I'm sure of it this time. When I'm outside, everywhere I look an officer is discretely watching me. The cafe that i frequent even had a policeman observing me. I'm temporarily suspending my investigation for my missing stapler so I may infiltrate CIA headquarters and remove any files of myself for inspection and analysis.

Entry 7

Startling evidence surfaced today leading me to believe that my dead friend was stapler-napped by the villains at the ice cream parlor. I knew conspiracy was afoot!
My planning starts tonight.

Entry 6

I've put up notices around the city advertising my missing stapler. I've already gotten three calls, but they were all of the pranking persuasion. Despite these set backs, my hopes remain high.

Entry 5

My new "stapler proof" window was just installed. I miss my stapler...

Entry 4

I shot out one of the windows in my office today while fiddling with my gun. I covered it up by throwing my stapler through the same window. I immediately resented that decision.

Entry 3

A new ice cream parlor opened up a few blocks from my office. I immediately suspected conspiracy.

Understanding the gravity of the situation, I decided an immediate investigation was required. As my planning went on, a monumental problem surfaced. I had no weapon. Expecting to be met by aggressive firepower upon entry, I decided that, for my own safety, I had to purchase some form of a firearm.

I purchased a handgun, a few rounds and a manual on how to fire a gun. Enthralled by my new reading material, I made my way to the new establishment. I prepped my armament and stuffed it in one of the side pockets of my trench coat. I tipped my hat to hide part of my eyes and entered slowly.

With a sharp eye, I looked over the residents. Two employees stood behind the counter, each with one or more hands below the table, obviously wielding powerful weapons. Tubs of ice cream were laid out behind the counter, most of which had transparent sides, but one, which my skillful eye immediately caught, was closed and opaque. I noted this in my penpad of observations, understanding it was a camouflaged container of sub-machine guns.

"May I help you, sir?" one of the employees inquired with a false tone of sincerity. This man must have been a trusted pawn of a higher up, to have addressed me so quickly, and was obviously going to serve me poisoned dairy to get me out of the picture, but I had a plan.

"I'll take a vanilla cone. Plain." I responded in a hard-boiled tone. I slipped my hand in to my pocket, wrapping my fingers around the trigger and grip of my gun. With the other, I slammed two quarters down on the counter.

The counter boy scooped up the change and began preparing a tainted treat. I could smell his treachery a mile away, though, and not just because it was clear that he hadn't bathed recently. I watched his movements closely, while also noting other points of interest about the room (vents, heavy machinery, table width, possible points of entry, obvious containers of suspicious materials).

He returned to the counter and outstretched his arm, attempting to give me the sugary snack. I silently and reluctantly received it.

"Have a nice day, sir!" He used the same facade in his voice. I looked from the cone to him. Not able to conjure a clever quote, I skipped straight to the next step of my plan. I threw the ice cream at the employee's face and quickly ran away.

Entry 2

A great noise rose up from the streets below. I opened the blinds a crack using two fingers, hiding myself from spies, but giving me sight. I noticed an unusually large primate climbing a very tall building. A few biplanes were circling him, as well. I thought nothing of it and returned to my typewriter.

Entry 1

I've decided to write my autobiography. My ideas for books have dried up and blown away like an abandoned newspaper. I'm overdue for the telling of my own thrilling adventure, anyway.